I am unqualified to write about golf. I’ve played only 2 rounds of golf in my life. Both times I was so horrible that keeping score would have been as difficult as playing golf was for me (Let me give you an example of my prowess on the course. My best golf shot was one in which I hit the ball low and way off-target and it ricocheted off a bridge and ended up on the green, not far from the hole.). I’ve had moderate success at miniature golf. But equating success on the Putt Putt greens with success at full-size golf (aka golf), is like saying that my being handsome makes me qualified to be president. Putting and handsomeness are both parts of their respective “games,” but only a small part.
Not only am I not able to play golf myself, but I couldn’t even council anyone on how to play it. If in fact I were a caddy, my advice would always be “hit it as far as you can and aim for the cup.” While that might be helpful at least a fraction of the time, you need to do better than fractions of success to achieve actual success.
The above reasons for why I shouldn’t write about golf are trumped by the fact that I hate golf shirts. Not just golf shirts, but all shirts with a collar. I’m assuming most golfers aren’t concerned with their parents seeing the hickey they received at Becky’s party Saturday night. So what’s the need for the deception? My philosophy is that the neck should be as free as every part of the body. I don’t have collars on my sleeves or my pant legs or on the straps of my best Sunday dress. So why do I need one around my neck? However, since I have yet to find a reputable golf course that allows one to even walk the course sans collar, I must remain at a distance from the sport.
Gibberish and poor golf skills aside, why am I writing about golf? It all comes down to need. Recently at work, I’ve been asked to focus on golf. I can’t be more specific about this request if I want to maintain my anonymity. Suffice it to say, the more I know about golf and the sooner I learn it, the better. To that end, I have simplified my life by combining my schoolwork with my work work.
That’s not the only reason I’ll be writing about golf this semester, although, it is the best reason. I also wanted to write about something that many take too seriously and then write about it in an unserious manner. There are plenty of topics that are taken too seriously in our culture that I could have chosen. However, making flip remarks about golf seemed like one of the least controversial. This is not to say that I’m trying to avoid controversy. I’m actually just trying to start controversy in a field that generally lacks it. So get ready Golf World! You’re about to be turned upside down! Or you would be turned upside down, Golf World, if you were in fact to read this. Or you would be turned upside down if the Golf World were in fact an entity that could read articles about itself. The point is that I’m going to have some fun and hopefully you will as well.
- Otto
I applaud you, my good man! No challenge is sweeter completed than the one in which you have to forge new ground. I would wager that in golf - as in engineering - the viewpoint unspoiled by conventional knowledge is often the freshest and most useful.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to your explanation of how this Scottish pastime became so popular.
The trick with this week’s assignments, the biography and the credibility argument, is that they are interchangeable. Each one could be an About The Author. You are your credibility and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteI like your bio, though it is long. Editing is really your challenge at this point. Otherwise, you come up with great anecdotes.
Otto the Caddy wouldn’t remember to buy food if he didn’t write it down, but he can remember every statistic to the first football game he ever went to – a Rose Bowl on the 50-yard line…
That’s pretty good.
I used to write About the Author sections on my book reports when I was little and hadn’t accomplished a thing. Some of my claims to fame included going to the Rose Bowl on the 50-yard line and being born hours after the famous Steelers…
Both of those are short, sweet and say a lot. Throw in the bits about poetry and comedy and you’ve got an argument for a comic sports writer.
And look what you are writing about.
I like your subject and why it is your subject too. Often, all we get is an assigned beat and still, we can make it our own.
Otto the Caddy writes about golf for the Philadelphia Yada Yada. He once made par at the upper nine holes (Blackbeard’s Bearing) of Pirate’s Cove miniature golf course in North Conway, New Hampshire.
Sometimes our credibility is simply in the confidence of our voice Otto. That’s true for a lot of comedians.
Don’t cut your work down to one or two sentences for each assignment, but understand how quickly you can get down to that essence, and then realize that our best writers’ sentences are always working at that level.
That's what a comic does, always trying to get down to that punchline.
I look forward to reading more.
Otto,
ReplyDeleteYour credibility assignment shows wit and humor. You have a developed sense of humor that engages the reader.
Don't get so caught up in the wit of what you are saying that the meaning gets lost. I'm not sure I understand the line, "Putting and handsomeness are both parts of their respective “games,” but only a small part." Is being handsome a game? Is being president?
"Council" above should be "Counsel."
Overall, you have a nice flow to your voice, but you have some extraneous text above that should probably be simplified. For example, you say, "If in fact I were a caddy, my advice would always be “hit it as far as you can and aim for the cup.” That could simply be "If I were a caddy, my advice would be hit it as far as you can and aim for the cup." "In fact" and "always" are not needed and don't contribute more to the meaning. This is just one example, but there are several instances where your writing could be simplified by just removing what is not needed.
I look forward to reading more about golf as your voice develops.
Hi Otto,
ReplyDeleteWell, writing about golf, and not golfing, is quite a challenge. I agree with Prof. Kalm and ComTech', your wit is credible. A good read. You do need to cut down on extraneous wording, however. I would also be careful about being too casual. Overindulging your humor can weaken your argument. Example: "So get ready Golf World! You’re about to be turned upside down! Or you would be turned upside down, Golf World, if you were in fact to read this. Or you would be turned upside down if the Golf World were in fact an entity that could read articles about itself." It's kind of a "Get Smart" moment ("would you believe..."), but it loses it's power because it's difficult to read.
-also- why are you wearing a Sunday dress?
ReplyDelete