Scientific Proof on the Dangers of Pants

Many of you have dismissed the Shorts4all campaign as that of a lunatic interested only in stirring up trouble.  But that is hardly the goal of this movement.  The Shorts4all campaign is about safety and health.  To that end, we have commissioned a study by the International Federation on Clothing Safety and Health to see the impact shorts have on professional golfers.  The study itself will be published in the upcoming edition of the journal, Sweat Prevention.  Here is the abstract for this sensational article:

Our goal in this study was to look at the effects of wearing long pants on a hot day while competing in professional level sports.  Using a random sample of golfers on the Mongolian Professional Tour, our researchers tested the levels of sweat, dehydration, and stink on the players after competing in 95-degree temperatures for three consecutive days.  The results showed that players wearing long pants were sweatier and stunk considerably worse than their counterparts who were dressed in short pants (shorts).  Also, the players wearing the short pants were found to shoot an average of 10 shots better than those wearing long pants.  From these results we suggest that all players should be allowed to wear shorts while playing golf, especially on extremely hot days.  This will improve the play of the golfers, while also decreasing the amount of showering time needed later to erase the smells produced by wearing long pants.

I hope you’re convinced now.  Please sign the petition below so we can get this movement going.  Sweaty, stinky golfers all over the world need us.    

- Otto 

Change.org|Start an Online Petition »

Presentation: The Bogey Free Tournament

Transcript of the speech:

Imagine turning on the TV on a Sunday afternoon to find the following scene.  Tiger Woods is kneeling on the 17^th green preparing to take a 15-foot par putt.  Across the way from him, his playing partner, an amateur golfer named Joe Schmoe, has just hit an improbable 25-foot par putt that sent the crowd into a frenzy that is still raging on.  Now Woods is faced with having to make this putt or Joe Schmoe’s impossible run to the title will be complete.  As he steps up to the ball, is there any chance you turn the channel?  Of course there isn’t.  And that’s the idea behind the Bogey Free Tournament; the next great sporting event.

Golf has the ability to be a popular sport.  Most sports fans do enjoy it, as seen in this graph.  However too many of them are casual fans.  So they don’t know anyone besides Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson.  And if those two aren’t involved, then they don’t tune in.

That’s why golf needs an event that is Tiger-proof and Lefty-proof.  Golf needs an event that will draw the attention of viewers even when the names you know aren’t around.  And that’s exactly what the Bogey Free Tournament will do.

The format of the tournament is simple.  150 players enter with the goal to see who will be the last person to hit a bogey.  With the tournament being played on an easy course, most players will be able to survive the test early on.  However, as play progresses, the difficulty of the course will steadily increase.

The pool of players will be made up of the top 100 pro players in the world along side 50 amateurs.  25 of these amateurs will earn their way into the tournament by competing in regional Bogey Free Tournaments around the world.  The remaining 25 spots in the tournament will be filled by those willing to pay their way in for a shot at Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, and glory.

Now every shot will be loaded with drama.  Every putt, every tee shot, every decision could mean your day is done.  And as the field winds down, there’s only two players left; Tiger Woods, one of the greatest of all-time, and Joe Schmoe, the insurance salesman from Topeka, Kansas.  The crowd finally silences as Tiger begins his putt.  The ball slowly travels across the green as it approaches the hole.  And now you have to see what happens next.  That’s why the Bogey Free Tournament will be a major success.

- Otto

Executive Statement

Golf should be more popular than it is.  Unfortunately though, golf doesn’t have the necessary number of star players to succeed.  So when those few big name players don’t live up to their stature, golf’s TV ratings dwindle.  But what if there could be a tournament that didn’t need the marquee players to perform to the best of their abilities to hold the public’s interest?  That’s the idea behind the Bogey Free Tournament.  The format features the top 100 pro players in the world taking on 50 amateur players – 25 of whom would earn a spot in the field, with the other 25 paying their way in - with the single goal to be the last player to hit a bogey.  Now every shot becomes dramatic.  If you can’t live up to the pressure than every putt, every chip, and every tee shot could be your last.  Who will win when all you need is a par or better to continue?  Tiger Woods or Joe Schmoe?  All that’s needed is the right course and the right sponsor to make the Bogey Free Tournament the next great sporting event.  

- Otto 

Don't You Hate Pants?!

Have you ever felt the cool breeze wafting around your privates on a hot summer day?  If you have, you know how wonderful a feeling this is. But what if you were forced to wear long pants on that hot summer day, thus depriving you of that joy?  That’s the hell that players on the PGA Tour face every Thursday thru Sunday of the tour season.  They must live with the oppression of long pants that keep out the sweet joy of a cool breeze.  And why? Maybe it’s because the PGA Tour is in bed with the manufacturers of long pants. Maybe it’s because the PGA Tour is in bed with the manufacturers of jock itch creams. Or maybe it’s because the leaders of the PGA Tour long for a puritan paradise in which showing your legs is shameful. 

Whatever the reason, it’s time to end this tyranny.  That’s why I’m beginning a campaign to allow players to wear shorts on the course during tournament play.  I’m starting by petitioning The Honda Classic in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, where the PGA Tour makes its next stop, March 1^st through the 4^th.  With temperatures forecasted to be in the 80s, it is important we get moving fast on this campaign. With your help we can make these cruel overlords see the error of their ways. 

So please sign the petition seen below and send it to all your friends.  And then get out on Twitter and Facebook and share the message with as many people as you can.  Use the hashtag #shorts4all to let people know which side of this important debate you stand on.  This is America!  It’s time to act like it!

- Otto 

Change.org|Start an Online Petition »

Elevator Pitch #2: Some like it hot

“Where are all the hot people?” my girlfriend asked last Sunday as we watched golf together.  I had no response.  “Is Tiger really as good as it gets?  Is there no David Beckham of golf?”  Again, I had no comeback, because she’s right; golf is full of ugly people in ugly clothes.  That’s not a recipe for success.  Hot people are the ones who have money, and hot people have no interest in watching ugly people.  

So here’s how you get things moving in the right direction.  First, let’s stop all the ads for erection pills and retirement investing.  We need ads that sexy people want to see.  Sexy people flipping through channels on their sexy TVs aren’t going to stop when they see a Charles Schwab commercial.  They are going to stop though when they see that David Beckham Super Bowl commercial.  And once you get someone who insensately flips channels to stop doing so, you’ve got their attention for at least the next 15-20 seconds.

So now that you’ve roped in the sexy people, how do you keep them once the golf comes back on?   For that answer I turned back to my sexy girlfriend.  “Golf is boring.  It’s slow, they play lame music on TV broadcasts, and everyone’s always quiet or just clapping lightly.  In other sports the atmosphere is more alive.” She’s right.  Golf is a rest home sport.  

So first, let’s speed up the pace.  Basketball players aren’t allowed to stop the action so they can properly set up for a jump shot.  Football players aren’t allowed to stop the action so they can throw a better pass.  Why do golfers get seemingly unlimited time to prepare? Grab a club, step up to the ball, hit it, and move on to the next shot.  It’s that simple.  I don’t care if they want more time; they shouldn’t get it.  A typical round of golf takes about 4 hours to complete. I’m not even sure I’d want to have sex for four hours.  So why the hell would I want to spend 4 hours playing golf?

The second part of this plan is to let fans be fans.  Watch this video of Tiger Woods hitting a hole-in-one at the infamous 16^th hole at the TPC Scottsdale course.  Tiger’s lame “raise the roof” celebration aside, isn’t this what golf should be like?  Conversely, on that same hole in a different year, Justin Leonard was so mercifully booed after a bad shot that he flipped off the crowd in response.  Now that’s entertainment.  So I say let the fans cheer, boo, and heckle golfers just like they do all other athletes.  The noise and excitement might mean they have to turn the channel in the rest homes over to C-SPAN, but at least everyone else will be having a good time.

- Otto 

Midterm Proposal

I like where my voice has taken me.  I think I’ve found angles and ideas that I didn’t expect I would.  I think I’ve been able to be funny, intelligent, and somewhat thoughtful at times.  The writing I’ve done has been much better than I expected.

However, where is it going?  I’ve proven – at least I think I have – that I can write about golf and write about it well.  I don’t like the idea of abandoning what I’ve done so far, because I’m proud of it.  But I don’t like the idea of writing the same kind of blog posts and Twitter comments over and over again with no clear intent behind them. 

So what I’m proposing is centering my blog on a concept.  It will still be about golf.  But I think it will be more focused, funny, and maybe even full of a grain of truth.  I want to spend my time now picking apart the nonsense of the game.  I’ve done a little of that in the elevator pitches this week and in other pieces before.  But I want that to be my main topic of discussion going forward. 

To that end, I’m beginning this minor shift in my online presence by starting my campaign to allow pro players to wear shorts on the golf course.  This trivial rule is something that I know the players want – I’ve heard interviews in which they’ve asked for it.  But no one is pushing for this change because no one cares.  Rightfully so, but as an outsider to the game and as someone who would like to see the game catch up to our century – or at least the last one – I think this campaign is an excellent place to start.

So I’m going to get out there and start tweeting and blogging to try to get other people to join my campaign.  I’ll attempt to interact with golfers, tournaments, the different golf tours, and fans to see if I can’t get this movement to let pants go upward, go forward.  Will the campaign be successful?  Almost certainly not.  However, that’s not the point.  The point here is to be noticed and to be interesting.  And I think I can do both from now on.

- Otto 

Change.org|Start an Online Petition »

Elevator Pitch #1: The Beer Watch App

People like to drink while golfing.  It helps fill the endless void between shots.  And it helps you forget how much you hate playing golf.  The problem is, many golf courses frown upon this behavior.  Whether its due to the potential for litter, the fact that its dangerous to drink and drive a golf ball, or just a general displeasure at golfers relieving themselves behind the 15^th green, drinking on the course is simply not permitted.  The golf courses may not like people drinking while they play, but you HAVE to do it.  That’s why I’ve come up with the Beer Watch app.  The world’s first app that will allow you to drink all you want on the golf course and never get caught.  

The app is modeled after the apps that help you avoid traffic.  Except instead of other drivers telling you where the trouble spots on I-95 are, other golfers are telling you where course officials are currently stationed.  By following the Beer Watch app, which utilizes real-time GPS technology to pinpoint your location and your relation to course officials, you can know that it’s safe to crack open a cold one while standing at the 8^th tee.  But you’ll also know that you need to hide your refreshing adult beverage when you get over to 12.

The Beer Watch app will feature maps of courses all over the United States and the world, so that you can feel refreshed and a bit tipsy no matter where you play.  By tapping into the alcoholic golfers’ sense of camaraderie for fellow drunks, the Beer Watch app can turn a long, boring game of golf into a real-life beer commercial.

- Otto

An Ode to Tiger

After Sunday's butt whipping at the hands of Phil Mickelson, many sportswriters have written about Tiger's failure.  And while he may have played poorly, we need to lay off the guy.  He's still one of the best in the world, no matter what.  And all the pressure we're putting on him isn't helping.

To that end, I have composed the following poem to Tiger to let him know that at the very least, he can count on me for support.

Tiger I remember when you used to be great

When you didn’t hit a bogey on hole number eight

Instead of rounds filled with putting disasters

You dominated the field in winning the Masters

Now times have been tough and you’re not the same guy

And many sportswriters want to know why

Is it the knees, the ankles, or back?

Or is it the killer instinct that you lack?

Whatever the reason, it’s time to get tough

So no more tee shots deep in the rough

No more pars, bogeys, missed putts, or worse

It’s time to lap the field and come in first

Time to shine and be golf’s brightest star

So here’s my advice, head to a bar

Find a nice woman and treat her well

And she’ll break you out of this powerful spell

I know in the past from your marriage you strayed

But Tiger you’ll win if you just go get laid 
 
- Otto

So You Want To Learn How To Cheat?

Golf is hard.  And getting better at it isn’t easy.  You could read any number of self-help books or watch one of the thousands of instructional videos and not improve by one stroke.  You could even practice, although Allen Iverson won’t think much of you if you do. 

What if I told you there was a way to get better without actually being better?  The answer is simple: cheating.  Cheating takes all the stress out of hitting good shots; because now you don’t have to.  And if you follow my patented system – patent pending – I guarantee you’ll be as happy as this man (he didn’t cheat, but he’s better than you).   

1.     Buy the Beer

The key to successful cheating is making sure those whom you’re swindling are too drunk to be aware of your skullduggery.  There are two important points to remember for this rule.  First, if you typically don’t buy the beer for a round of golf, then make sure you have an excuse as to why you are buying it this particular time.  Here are some good excuses to get you started: you just got a promotion, you just got a new job, you won the lottery, or your wife finally had sex with you. 

The second point to remember is, if you’re typically a lush, then bring a non-alcoholic beverage and hide it in a koozie.  This will allow you to appear as if you’re getting trashed just like the fellow members of your group.

2.     Bring a lot of extra balls

Since you’ll be manipulating the lie of your ball, it’s important that you have extra balls on hand.  You won’t be able to pick up your ball and move it, so you’ll need a new ball to replace the one you actually hit.   

3.     Have an accomplice

Cheating is a two-man (or woman) game.  You can cheat by yourself (just ask Tiger Woods).  But you’ll improve your odds if you have a co-conspirator.  A caddy is the best person for this job, but a trusted member of your foursome will do in a pinch. 

Remember: if you use a caddy as your accomplice, be sure to tip well.  If you don’t, there is a distinct likelihood that your caddy will betray you at some point.  Caddies are vindictive, so make sure you never cross them.

4.     Don’t cheat on every hole

If you go from shooting a 6 or 7 on most holes to shooting a 3 or 4, then people will take notice.  A pattern of dramatic improvement is highly suspicious.  A random 3 or 4 will surprise your playing partners, but won’t warrant investigation.  In fact, I would suggest you tank a few holes just to be safe.  That will make the 3’s and 4’s seem even more like luck.

5.     Have a hidden ball compartment in your pants

You can’t just place a new ball on the fairway after an errant tee shot; otherwise you’ll get caught.  That’s why it’s essential to have a hidden ball compartment in your pants.  This compartment should allow you to drop one ball at a time out of your pant leg and on to the course with just a simple pull of a string or lever.  There’s no need to worry if you can’t figure out how to create this contraption on your own.  At this moment I’m working on the hidden ball sack khakis (I think it needs a better name).  They’ll be available at your nearest Kohl’s this summer, so keep an eye out.

6.     Don’t move the ball dramatically

Subtlety is important in cheating.  Everyone will know if you try and move the ball from the woods directly to the green. If you hit the ball in the rough, move it just onto the fairway.  If you hit it in the sand trap, move it to a location that isn’t as deep or as hard to get out of.  If you hit it in the parking lot, hope that it didn’t break anyone’s window.  And if anyone asks why your ball seems to have a better lie than expected, then tell them it hit a rock, the cart path, or a squirrel.  Always have an excuse.

7.     Don’t always be the person who improves your ball’s lie

This is the first reason why you need a cohort.  If you’re always the one doing the actual cheating, you’ll get caught.  So rotate with your partner. 

8.     Distraction!

People can’t notice your cheating if they’re noticing something else.  This is the second reason you need a collaborator.  While one of you is planting a new ball on the fairway, the other person should be distracting everyone else.  There are plenty of ways to distract a group of drunk golfers and here are just a few:  Pointing out attractive members of the opposite sex, offering another beer, farting, accusing someone else of cheating, accusing someone else of farting, or providing insider trading information (helping someone else cheat is a great way to get them to overlook your cheating).  

9.     Don’t play for big money

If you are playing for money on the course, make sure it isn’t an enormous sum, unless you’re playing Michael Jordan.  You won’t get rich, but you also won’t get killed. 

10.  Don’t Get Caught

This is the most important rule of cheating.  Getting caught is what prevents most from cheating.  And the consequences of cheating are usually dire.

I cannot condone cheating.  Cheating is a horrible act of disrespect to your fellow golfers and the game of golf itself.  However, you obviously have no class if you’re reading this blog.  So what do you have to lose?

- Otto

The Golf Village at Central Park

The Golf Village at Central Park is a 9-hole Par 3 golf course in Gahanna, OH.  The 73-acre complex, which also features a driving range, a 9-hole short course, 18-hole putting green, as well as a clubhouse, was built on the former Bedford Landfill site.  The Golf Village at Central Park is owned by the Central Ohio Community Improvement Corporation[1] and is operated by the Tartan Golf & Management Company of Dublin, OH4. 

HISTORY

The land where the Golf Village at Central Park is located was initially home to two landfills, the first of which was closed in 1978, the other in 1995[2].  In 2005, the city of Gahanna received a $3 million Clean Ohio Revitalization Fund grant from the Ohio Department of Development to begin work on cleaning up the Bedford landfill site[2].  Additional funds for the cleanup were provided by the city itself, as well as Franklin County and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency[2].   

The Claycraft Brick Company had previously owned and operated on the site, before going out of business,[3] and in a deal to forgive $245, 000 in back taxes owed by the company to Franklin County, the County’s Treasurer, Richard Cordray, transferred ownership of the property to the Central Ohio Community Improvement Corporation[2]. 

The Central Ohio Community Improvement Corporation began work on the $18 million project in a partnership with the Value Recovery Group, Franklin County, the City of Gahanna, the Ohio Department of Development, and the Ohio Environmental Protection Agency[4].  The course was originally slated to open in 2008, but due to ground shifting and other issues, the complex’s open was initially pushed back to 2010[2].

Further issues created more delays for the project.  In 2009, a liner was installed to help combat a leaky irrigation basin that had been unable to hold the water necessary for growing grass on the property[2]. The following year weather further hampered the progress of the grass, as the area suffered prolonged periods of dry and wet weather[2].

The Golf Village at Central Park finally opened to the public on July 21, 2011, despite the project not being fully complete.  At the time of the opening, the 9-hole Short Course was slated to open in the fall of that year[1], however more delays have pushed back the expected opening of the Short Course to spring, 2012[5].

PAR 3 COURSE

Hurdzan/Fry Environmental Golf Design of Columbus designed the 9-hole Par 3 course at the Golf Village at Central Park[1]. The course features holes that range in length from 110 to 230 yards and is estimated to take 1 hour and 15 minutes to complete[6].  Depending on where you choose to tee off from, the length of the course can be as long as 1,598 yards and as short as 1,042 yards[7]. 

SHORT COURSE

The Short Course will feature 9 holes that range in length from 30 to 60 yards[5].  Modeled after the Short Course at Turnberry Golf Club in Scotland, the Short Course at the Golf Village at Central Park is estimated to take 45 minutes for players to complete[5].  The Short Course was originally expected to open in fall, 2011, however that date has been pushed back to spring, 2012.

CLUBHOUSE

The 3,600 square foot clubhouse is a former train depot from Prospect, OH that was donated to the course by Barry Fromm[3].  Fromm serves as the chief executive officer of the Value Recovery Group, the company that served as the lead private investor on the project[3]. 

Officials on the project had originally planned to use the train depot to house the clubhouse and pub, however they balked at the $1 million needed to dismantle the building, move it to the new site, and then rebuild it again[3].  Instead it was decided that they would build a replica of the train depot in order to save money[3].  Disappointed with this decision, Fromm, who owned the depot, paid to the move the building to the course[3].

While the train depot retains much of its original design, a new roof was added to the building and the building itself was expanded to accommodate the addition of a restaurant and a Callaway Golf club-fitting studio[4].  The club-fitting studio is the only such studio Callaway Golf operates in the Midwest, and is one of only nine nationwide[1].

OTHER FEATURES

The complex also features a driving range with a 2-acre tee area and 4 target greens[8].  Plans to add heated tees and a short game improvement area are currently in the works[9]. 

There is also a 5,000 square foot 18-hole putting course on the site[8].

   

---

[1] Bell, Jeff, “Golf Village at Central Park drives out of rough”, Columbus Business First, July 15, 2011

[2] Pramik, Mike (2007), “Nine-hole golf course to top former landfill”, Allbusiness.com, Retrieved February 10, 2012

[3] Binkley, Collin, “Golfers finally can tee off at course built on landfill,” Columbus Dispatch, July 21, 2011

[4] Kuhlman, Marla K., “Golf Village at Central Park opens”, ThisWeek Community Newspapers, July 20, 2011

[5] 9-Hole Short Course (n.d.), The Golf Village at Central Park, Retrieved February 10, 2012

[6] 9-Hole Par 3 (n.d.), The Golf Village at Central Park, Retrieved February 10, 2012

[7] Scorecard (n.d.), The Golf Village at Central Park, Retrieved February 10, 2012

[8] The Golf Village at Central Park (n.d.), Tartan Golf & Management Company, Retrieved, February 10, 2012

[9] Driving Range (n.d.), The Golf Village at Central Park, Retrieved February 10, 2012

Who's Got Next?

Tiger Woods is 36 years old.  He’s had 4 knee surgeries.  Tiger hasn’t won an official tournament in more than 2 years.  And his run as the top-ranked player in the world is long over.  Tiger simply is not Tiger Woods anymore.  And now many want to know, who’s the next Tiger?

Does it matter though?  They didn’t cancel all golf tournaments during Tiger’s absence due to injuries and infidelity related mishaps.  And while the TV ratings, I’m sure, have gone down with Tiger’s waning dominance, they still put golf on TV.  The game did suffer a slap in the face recently when a playoff in the Farmers Insurance Open was moved over to the Golf Channel so the old people who don’t like golf could watch 60 Minutes.  But golf continues to persevere.

The rush to crown the next king is mostly fodder for talk radio and SportsCenter. And it’s not restricted to golf and Tiger Woods.  In the late 80s, many wondered who would replace Bird and Magic as their NBA careers neared an end.  And then Jordan answered that question by taking over and dominating the sport like no one ever had.  Predictably, as Jordan’s career neared its twilight, we wondered who would replace him.  And while there have been many suitors to his throne – Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Allen Iverson, and the unfortunately nicknamed, Harold “Baby Jordan” Miner, come to mind – no one has truly grasped that mantle and run with it. 

Tiger’s career was very much a mirror of Jordan’s.  When he came on the scene, he was quickly crowned as the heir apparent to Jack Nicklaus.  And he proved to be every bit worthy of the comparison, winning 8 majors in his first 6 years on the tour.  Furthering his image of dominance, every golfer who threatened to become the Arnold Palmer to his Jack was crushed by Tiger’s wave of winning – see David Duval, Ernie Els, Vijay Singh, etc. 

But as he’s slipped, the “who’s next” question is roaring back, much the way Tiger would in the final round of a major.  Some are predicting it will be Rory McIlroy, especially following his brilliant performance in the first 3 rounds of last year’s Masters and his Tiger-like domination of the U.S. Open months later.  Others look at World #1, Luke Donald or a bomber like Bubba Watson, who has the personality and charisma that Tiger never had – Tiger’s notoriously robotic behavior makes you wonder how he managed to cheat on his wife so frequently.  I know he’s rich beyond anyone’s wildest dreams, but from what I’ve seen of him off the course, I have to imagine sleeping with him would be like sleeping with a dead fish.  Maybe it won’t even be a man.  Remember Michelle Wie?  Or perhaps the next Tiger is a kid who right now is hitting the driving range, dreaming of green jackets and golfing glory.

What you can be sure of is there will be someone to replace him.  There will always be the next Jordan or the next Tiger.  A player will come along and take over their respective sport and change the way it’s played.  And when they do, we won’t need Skip Bayless or Stephen A. Smith to tell us that they’re who’s next.  Their play will do the talking for them.  So stop worrying who’s next, and just let them get there whenever they’re ready to.

- Otto

LinkedIn!

I'm LINKEDIN!  Check me out!

- Otto

Progress Peaked With The Frozen Pizza

While reading an article I happened upon a comment suggesting that the belly putter should be banned.  Belly Putter?  Ban?  You have my attention.

It turns out the belly putter is not someone laying on their belly to putt, nor is it someone so fat they can putt a ball with their belly.  Now I’m less interested.  Although there is still the issue of a ban, which means there’s a controversy.  So I’m not moving yet. 

So what’s the controversy?  Opponents of the belly putter argue that by locking the putter up against your body, you are making it easier to control the motion of the putter, thus making it less likely that bad form or nerves will cause you to make a mistake. 

That sounds like a reasonable complaint.  If you’re competing at the highest level of the sport, you shouldn’t be allowed to control your nerves with anything but alcohol; though that does have some side effects. 

The flip side of the argument is that you still need to be good.  Using the belly putter would still leave me coming up short, missing to the left, or shooting it into the parking lot.  And even with the recent trend of wins amongst the belly putter community, they still have 2 to 3 other shots per hole before they can use their nefarious belly putters.  So back to my earlier question, what’s the controversy?

The belly putter by itself is not an issue.  The issue is technology vs. tradition.  This was argued nonsensically in an episode of the short-lived drama, Century City, where a baseball player with a bionic eye was prevented from playing in the major leagues (please watch this episode, if not for the bionic eye nonsense, then for the holographic pre-trial arguments).  The belly putter is not as absurd as a bionic eye, but isn’t it the beginning of a slippery slope?  If we allow a player who can’t control his nerves a chance to improve his putting, then won’t a golf club manufacturer invent a club that helps to control a player’s nerves on the tee, or on the fairway, or out of the sand trap?  When will we know to draw the line?  Will it happen after a golfer hits the ball 400 yards off the tee or after a golfer who previously had a handicap of 15 wins the Masters after buying the new Super Hybrid Ultra Elite Extremes from Nike?

Equipment shouldn’t be the dividing line between winners and losers.  Tiger Woods could have won the 1997 Masters or the 2000 U.S. Open with clubs he found in a dumpster; his skill was what separated him from the pack.  I understand that the golf manufacturers just want to make money, but don’t let the tools for the amateur change the way the pro game is played.  Tell the manufacturers to stick to finding ways for players to sneak beer onto the course so they don’t have to pay $7 for one at the clubhouse bar.

- Otto