Monday, February 27, 2012

Scientific Proof on the Dangers of Pants

Many of you have dismissed the Shorts4all campaign as that of a lunatic interested only in stirring up trouble.  But that is hardly the goal of this movement.  The Shorts4all campaign is about safety and health.  To that end, we have commissioned a study by the International Federation on Clothing Safety and Health to see the impact shorts have on professional golfers.  The study itself will be published in the upcoming edition of the journal, Sweat Prevention.  Here is the abstract for this sensational article:

Our goal in this study was to look at the effects of wearing long pants on a hot day while competing in professional level sports.  Using a random sample of golfers on the Mongolian Professional Tour, our researchers tested the levels of sweat, dehydration, and stink on the players after competing in 95-degree temperatures for three consecutive days.  The results showed that players wearing long pants were sweatier and stunk considerably worse than their counterparts who were dressed in short pants (shorts).  Also, the players wearing the short pants were found to shoot an average of 10 shots better than those wearing long pants.  From these results we suggest that all players should be allowed to wear shorts while playing golf, especially on extremely hot days.  This will improve the play of the golfers, while also decreasing the amount of showering time needed later to erase the smells produced by wearing long pants.

I hope you’re convinced now.  Please sign the petition below so we can get this movement going.  Sweaty, stinky golfers all over the world need us.    

- Otto 

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