If At First You Don't Succeed, Try A New Method

It’s easy to give up when you fail.  As the great philosopher Homer Simpson once said “you tried your best and failed miserably.  The lesson is: never try.”  But I don’t subscribe to Homer’s “give up” mantra.  I am committed to my cause to bring shorts to the PGA Tour.  As they say, Rome wasn’t petitioned by its citizens to allow people to wear something other than togas and then Rome decided to allow that in just one day. 

So the Honda Classic resisted my efforts.  They ignored my tweets and ignored my petition, despite its two signatures – one of which was mine.  But what did I expect?  I was taking on the establishment right in the heart of old people country, Florida.  And if there is one thing old people like, its formal attire.  Old people are the only Americans who still believe that it’s necessary to dress up for dinner on a Tuesday night.  But I’m not here to attack old people - easy though it may be since there is no way any of them could get online and refute any of the falsehoods I could propagate about them.  I’m here for the shorts.  And the only thing I can do is keep pushing. 

An online petition and a relentless Twitter campaign didn’t work though.  So perhaps it’s time to turn back the clock and resort to something that the old people who run the PGA Tour can better understand – a letter writing and phone call campaign. 

Today I plan on drafting a letter - which I will post here so that you may copy it – which I will send to the PGA Tour’s national headquarters and their New York office.  I’ve posted the addresses of their offices below so that you know where to send your letters.

And I also plan on calling PGA Tour headquarters in Florida on their general inquires phone line – (904) 285-3700 – to see if I can’t find someone within their walls to be my advocate for change.

I leave you with this e-mail I received from 8-year old Johnny of Del Mar, California:

Dear Mr. Otto,

Thank you for your campaign to allow shorts on the PGA Tour.  My dad suffered an accident 4 years ago while playing golf that could have been avoided had he been wearing shorts.  As he was getting ready to hit his approach shot on the 14^th hole, a bee flew up his pant leg and stung him in his private area.  Had he been wearing shorts that day, the bee likely wouldn’t have been trapped and would never have stung my dad.  And as a result, my mom wouldn’t have left him because of his horribly disfigured genitals.  Long pants broke up my family and I don’t want to see that happen to anyone else.  So thank you again for your efforts.

Johnny

Stay strong, little Johnny.  I’m not quitting just yet.

-          Otto

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