Elevator Pitch #2: Some Like it Hot Redux

Golf is a rest home sport.  And while rest home residents have plenty of money, they can’t get out to spend it.  That’s why golf needs to find a different wealthy group to reinvigorate the sport; hot people.  To that end I’ve created a two-step plan to put hot people’s cash into the coffers of the golf industry.

So how do you attract hotties to golf?  To get that answer I turned to my super-hot girlfriend who told me, “golf is boring.  It’s just quiet announcers, quiet music, and quiet clapping.  Other sports are more lively and exciting.  Why can’t golf be that way?”  All great points.  We need more rowdy fans like at the 16th hole in Phoenix – fans who drove Tiger to show some uncharacteristic emotion and also drove Justin Leonard to flick them off – so let's get more beer into the galleries.  We need an end to the golf whisperer, Jim Nance, so let's bring in Gus Johnson to scream and yell every time any golfer does something even mildly interesting.

And while we’re at it, let’s pick up the pace.  No more standing over a ball for 5 minutes while you and your caddy discuss which way the wind is blowing.  The wind is blowing the hotties away from your sport.  So grab your club, step up to the ball, hit it, and move on. 

The second step is to add some sex appeal.  My super-hot girlfriend said to me, “is Tiger really the best looking golfer?  Is there no David Beckham of golf?”  Who would know if there is?  All the players are dressed like they’re trying to sell me insurance.  What are they hiding underneath all of those loose fitting khakis?  It’s time to drop the pants, and pull up some shorts so we can see those sexy calf muscles.  And any golfer who isn’t shapely in the calf area will have to start doing some leg work; otherwise prepare to be heckled by the newly freed, drunk golf fans.  Soccer players wear shorts and they have some nice looking legs – remember David Beckham?  So with the golfers legs breathing free, prepare to start seeing some calves that would make even grandma swoon.

If the PGA Tour follows this plan, it will not only infuse some sexy cash into golf, it might even wake up a couple of those coma patients over at the rest home.

- Otto