- Otto
HARD CUT FROM BLACK
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT EARLY EVENING
OTTO glances down at his watch, seen from his
perspective. The time is
6:34. OTTO glances back up just as
TIM FINCHEM walks to the table.
TIM
Sorry, I’m a little late.
OTTO
(Exasperated)
A little late?
I’ve been waiting 2 hours!
TIM
2 hours? Why would you be here at 4:30 in the afternoon
for a dinner meeting?
Otto stares at Tim, seen from Otto’s perspective. He
focuses on the age in Tim’s face.
He then looks around the room and notices all the other old faces seated
around him.
OTTO
I thought YOU (emphasis) would like to eat a bit earlier.
Tim stares angrily at Otto.
OTTO
(continuing a bit nervously)
Nevermind.
Thanks for meeting me, Tim.
I appreciate the time.
TIM
(annoyed)
Not a problem.
Otto awkwardly stands up to shake Tim’s hand. Tim glances down at Otto’s legs and
sees that he’s wearing shorts.
Otto notices Tim’s glance.
OTTO
Well that is why I’m here.
TIM
This restaurant has a dress code though. How did you get in dressed like that?
OTTO
I put them on under the table.
TIM
(annoyed)
Of course.
They both sit down and pick up their menus. They each
stare at them for a long time, not knowing what to say to each other.
OTTO
So, what’s good here?
TIM
(excitedly)
Oh, there’s a lot here I enjoy. My wife likes the foie gras and quail terrine. But I’m more partial to the venison.
OTTO
(confused)
Okay. How about the (overemphasizing) FLOOR DE PIN GUS?
Tim stares at Otto disapprovingly
TIM
(disappointed)
That’s a wine. You’re looking at the wine list.
OTTO
(embarrassed)
Yes. Obviously.
Otto sinks back in his seat and slowly brings the menu up
over his eyes. The WAITRESS walks
up to the table.
WAITRESS
Can I get you gentleman anything to start with?
TIM
I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.
OTTO
(hesitating)
I’ll have a (overemphasizing) FLOOR DE PIN GUS.
Tim looks at him disapprovingly once again.
WAITRESS
Would you like a bottle or a glass, sir?
OTTO
(confidently)
I believe I’ll need both.
Both Tim and the Waitress are shocked and
dumbfounded. Otto notices their
glares.
WAITRESS
Okay. I’ll
get those for you then, sir.
OTTO
(sheepishly)
Thank you.
The Waitress stares at Otto and then at Tim. She then
walks away shaking her head. The
two men go back to staring at their menus.
OTTO
So, Tim, I asked you to meet me today because
TIM
(interrupts)
Otto, dinner comes first. Then we can talk business.
OTTO
Okay. I
haven’t been to too many business dinners before.
TIM
(glancing down at Otto’s bare calf)
I’m not surprised. (pauses) Will you excuse me?
OTTO
Sure. No
problem
Tim pushes back his chair and leaves the table. Otto
watches as he walks away. Otto then goes back to staring at his menu, when the
Waitress returns with their drinks.
She’s carrying a small glass, which she places down in front of Tim’s
chair. And then she takes a bottle
and a wine glass off of the tray and places those on the table in front of
Otto. She begins to walk away when
Otto stops her.
OTTO
Can I ask you a question?
WAITRESS
Yes you may, sir.
OTTO
What do you recommend?
WAITRESS
Well the venison is quite nice. Personally though, I enjoy
the foie gras and quail terrine.
OTTO
(disappointed)
Great.
Thanks.
He begins to pick up the wine bottle to try and fill up
his glass. He struggles with it
and begins to spill some on the table.
The Waitress reaches over and grabs the bottle to help him.
WAITRESS
Allow me, sir.
She begins to pour the wine into the glass as Otto watches
her. She finishes and puts the
bottle back on the table.
OTTO
Thank you very much.
He reaches up awkwardly to shake her hand, but instead
knocks the bottle of wine off the table.
It spills on to his leg which was sticking out from under the side of
the table. The Waitress hurries to
help him clean things up.
OTTO
Oh crap. I’m
so sorry. This is terrible.
WAITRESS
Not a problem at all, sir.
She notices that he’s wearing shorts and stares at him,
confused.
OTTO
(awkwardly
joking)
How do you get red wine out of bare leg?
WAITRESS
(unamused)
Let me go get some more napkins, sir.
The Waitress quickly walks away from the table. As she leaves, Tim comes back to the
table. Before sitting down he
notices the spilled wine.
TIM
(distressed)
What happened here?
OTTO
(casually)
Oh, a murder.
I’m surprised you didn’t hear the gunshots.
TIM
(angry
and confused)
Excuse me?
OTTO
I’m kidding of course, Tim. Hey, what took you so long? I was beginning to think this
was one of those sitcom episodes where you had a second date on the other side
of the restaurant.
TIM
(even angrier than before)
What are you talking about?
OTTO
Forget about it.
It was just a joke. Sorry.
Tim finally sits down in his chair. As he scoots back up
to the table he glances down and notices the wine dripping off Otto’s leg. Otto sees where Tim is looking.
OTTO
Good thing I wasn’t wearing pants, huh?
Otto,
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed with how you created a script around your "Shorts4all" campaign. Your persistence and humor may win over the PGA someday.
Your script was filled with your trademark humor. Tim was the perfect straight man to Otto's zaniness. I'm not sure all of the humor translated as clearly in your script as your blog posts do. It took me a few readings to understand where you were going with the 4:30 pm vs. 6:30 pm dialog at the beginning.
You qualified several lines by adding comments like "disappointed," "sheepishly," and "hesitating." I think you should be more selective in these qualifiers. Comedy relies so heavily on timing. You could have more of the lines open to the comic actor's interpretation. Allow the words to carry their own weight with the actor.
Overall, you did an exemplary job bringing Otto–and his shorts–to the big screen.
Hi Otto,
ReplyDeleteI would cast Zack Galifianakis as Otto, and James Cromwell as Tim. I know it hurts you not to be cast as Otto, but we need a name to get financial backing, and Galifianakis is big in France.
I really enjoyed your script. It's silly, and irreverent, and in sync with your shorts campaign. I think you should shoot it, and I won't rest until I see it on YouTube.
Beware of explaining the action. Your "in-writing" should be more about setting the tone. Here's an example:
"Tim pushes back his chair and leaves the table. Otto watches as he walks away. Otto then goes back to staring at his menu, when the Waitress returns with their drinks. She’s carrying a small glass, which she places down in front of Tim’s chair. And then she takes a bottle and a wine glass off of the tray and places those on the table in front of Otto. She begins to walk away when Otto stops her."
Instead, try something like this:
"Tim abruptly leaves the table, leaving Otto to ponder the menu. The Waitress returns with a scotch-rocks for Tim, and an expensive looking, dusty bottle of red wine for Otto."
It's important to distill the action into it's simplest form. Leave some air around your descriptions so the reader has room to expand on the visual. It's about trust. If you don't economize your in-writing, you belabor the action and slow the advance of your story.
I have really enjoyed your blog. It's funny and adventurous, and it's given me renewed reason not to invest in long pants. Thank you for your commentary on my blogs. Your insights have helped me tremendously. I'm looking forward to more study along side you and the rest of my classmates.
All The Best,
E.B.